Order your Thought-O-Tron 8000 today!

I love getting stuff I pre-ordered from Amazon. It is very uplifting after a long day of work to get a nice present for yourself (granted, a present that you paid for). A few days ago, my Thought-O-Tron 8000 came in. What does it do? Well, hook the Thought-O-Tron 8000 up to your television feed and it will transcribe the actual thoughts of the speaker via subtitles on you screen! Don't believe me? Well see for yourself then - here is the Thought-O-Tron transcript to President Bush's speech on November 5th 2008, with the real time thoughts of our prez is in parentheses.

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PRESIDENT BUSH: Good morning.

Last night, I had a warm conversation with President-elect Barack Obama. I congratulated him and Senator Biden on their impressive victory.
(I said to Barack: "heckuva job Brownie, if you know what I mean." heh heh heh, but seriously, some of my best friends are brown - like, you know, the Pocahontas people that wear feathers on their heads)

I told the president-elect he can count on complete cooperation from my administration as he makes the transition to the White House.
(After all, Colin Powell, a member of my staff, gave Obama his support - wait, daggone it, he doesn't work for me anymore?)

I also spoke to Senator John McCain. I congratulated him on a determined campaign that he and Governor Palin ran. The American people will always be grateful for the lifetime of service John McCain has devoted to this nation, and I know he'll continue to make tremendous contributions to our country.
(Old man McCain reminds me of my grandpapy - his skin is all wrinkly - pretty gross. He never liked me very much, but I wonder why... After all, we were both armed services veterans.)

No matter how they cast their ballots, all Americans can be proud of the history that was made yesterday. Across the country, citizens voted in large numbers. They showed a watching world the vitality of America's democracy and the strides we have made toward a more perfect union.
(And after me and the scary bald guy are outta here, it'd be a even more vitalistical, perfectionarist union)

They chose a president whose journey represents a triumph of the American story: a testament to hard work, optimism and faith in the enduring promise of our nation.
(I know all about hard work. You know, running the Texas Rangers ain't easy. Sometimes, I had to wake up before noon because I had to conversate with the folks on east coast time. You know, that's when I decided to run for president, then I'd get rid of this facist and freedom-hating time zone thingee altogether. Also, did you know I came up with the idea for bobblehead night at the stadium - nobody gave me credit for that! Anyway, America, you're welcome)

Many of our citizens thought they would never live to see that day.
(My nutsack is so goddamn itchy right now!)

This moment is especially uplifting for a generation of Americans who witnessed the struggle for civil rights with their own eyes and four decades later see a dream fulfilled.
(Personally, my dream was fulfilled years ago at my first frat party at Yale, when me, two babes, and Jack (Daniels) had the night of my life. All downhill from there folks. Now, was this part of the speech supposed to be referring to that black guy that had all these streets named after him? I believe he was Martin Luther, the King of Africa. I swear, sometimes my speech writer should clue me in more on what I'm saying)

A long campaign has now ended and we move forward as one nation. We're embarking on a period of change in Washington, yet there are some things that will not change. The United States government will stay vigilant in meeting its most important responsibility: protecting the American people. And the world can be certain this commitment will remain steadfast under our next commander in chief.
(Heh heh, I said period, heh, heh, heh)

There's important work to do in the months ahead, and I will continue to conduct the people's business as long as this office remains in my trust.
(Which means that I only have to work as hard as my approval rating. Let's see, my approval rating's at 28%. Shoot, let's work this out all mathetificatedly - this means I still have to work half the time!)

During this time of transition, I will keep the president-elect fully informed on important decisions. And when the time comes on January the 20th, Laura and I will return home to Texas with treasured memories of our time here, with profound gratitude for the honor of serving this amazing country.
(Most important decision: make sure the curtains match the drapes! Heh. Seriousligiously, I am profoundfly gratificated by the American people who gave me 8 great years of vacationing)

It'll be a stirring sight to watch President Obama, his wife, Michelle, and their beautiful girls step through the doors of the White House. I know millions of Americans will be overcome with pride at this inspiring moment that so many have waited so long.
(I know millions more in Texas crying themselves to sleep to Toby Keith, but that's another story)

I know Senator Obama's beloved mother and grandparents would've been thrilled to watch the child they raised ascend the steps of the Capitol and take his oath to uphold the Constitution of the greatest nation on the face of the Earth.
(Now, was your mom or grandmom the muslim al qaeda operative? Can she tell me where some of her associates are?)

Last night I extended an invitation to President-elect and Mrs. Obama to come to the White House, and Laura and I are looking forward to welcoming them as soon as possible.
(I hope they like the cotton fields I'm planting in the White House on their behalf! Cheney told me that African Americans love them! It's gonna look fantastic next to the watermelon patch!)

Thank you very much.
(Anyone still want to have a beer with me? Cuz I need a beer)